What am I hiding? More likely: What am I hiding from?
I used to hide from certain aspects of my past that I'd rather forget for a number of reasons. I pretended certain events or certain people never happened. But It didn't work. So I'm trying to admit that there is another side to me that does exist. But genereally I'm in control, and while I try and find Games and Ulterior Motives in my own actions, I don't always want to stop them.
*Good*. You're lucky that you can do that, you know - know what's behind what you're doing and still go ahead and do it. Particularly if there are likely to be things you don't much want to think about. (Ach, so much of what I'm saying comes out sounding like it's taken from the Teach-Yourself-Counselling textbook, I'm not meaning it like that at all.) Often people take self-analysis too far, and wind up afraid to do anything at all. Go you!
This would have made more sense if I'd been having less of a bad day...~smile~ Sorry.
Oh it's not that difficult. It just requires me to spend time thinking 'Do I really mean that?' but even if I don't mean what I say directly, I can still say it. I can make myself transparent enough if I like that people can see what I really mean, even if thats not what I say. As long as I know i'm playing the Game, I'm safe.
How easy do you find it to make yourself transparent to some you're talking to, but hide your real meaning from the others around? Just curious... It's a game I wish I could play - I am almost always more transparent than I want to be. (Only totally opaque around my parents and teachers, for some reason.) I think I feel too much. ~shrug~
Ooops I must have given you slightly the wrong idea. I think when I'm transparent I'm transparent to everyone. I don't hide the real meaning from others around. It would be useful to be able to sometimes! :)
Nothing in particular, I just...I don't know. I like you, and therefore you fascinate me? I don't tend to like people who don't hold my attention to a great extent...~shrug~
Wish I could explain, but I think you're just going to have to live with it. ~smile~
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2002-04-15 06:37 am (UTC)More likely: What am I hiding from?
I used to hide from certain aspects of my past that I'd rather forget for a number of reasons. I pretended certain events or certain people never happened. But It didn't work. So I'm trying to admit that there is another side to me that does exist. But genereally I'm in control, and while I try and find Games and Ulterior Motives in my own actions, I don't always want to stop them.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-15 09:05 am (UTC)*Good*.
You're lucky that you can do that, you know - know what's behind what you're doing and still go ahead and do it. Particularly if there are likely to be things you don't much want to think about.
(Ach, so much of what I'm saying comes out sounding like it's taken from the Teach-Yourself-Counselling textbook, I'm not meaning it like that at all.)
Often people take self-analysis too far, and wind up afraid to do anything at all. Go you!
This would have made more sense if I'd been having less of a bad day...~smile~ Sorry.
E.
x
no subject
Date: 2002-04-15 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-16 01:38 am (UTC)It's a game I wish I could play - I am almost always more transparent than I want to be. (Only totally opaque around my parents and teachers, for some reason.) I think I feel too much. ~shrug~
You're so fascinating. ~smile~
E.
x
no subject
Date: 2002-04-17 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-17 07:11 am (UTC)Doesn't make you any less fascinating though. ~smile~
E.
x
no subject
Date: 2002-04-17 07:24 am (UTC)I'm intrigued that I appear to fascinate you. Anything you want to know about me?
no subject
Date: 2002-04-17 08:12 am (UTC)Wish I could explain, but I think you're just going to have to live with it. ~smile~
E.
x